Backburner by NIKI : Why it’s so heartbreaking?

 

        If you ask me what would my favorite non-single be from the album Nicole, I would answer one song and one song only. That song is Backburner. Backburner by NIKI, is the 3rd track on the Nicole album. This track is literally and i mean LITERALLY so heartbreaking! I listened to this song over and over during this so-called backburner era. But wait, what is a backburner era? And another question, what is Backburnerngitis? All these terms made by tiktok, The answer all lies on this song. But first let’s unravel the lyrics and their meanings. (Take note that most of these are my own interpretations, it’s just lyrics and you can interpret it as you want!).

And to make this easy, let’s give character names! Fel and D

First Verse & First Pre-chorus 

I can't lie, it feels nice that you're calling
You sound sad and alone, and you're stalling
And for once, I don't care about what you want
As long as we keep talking (as long as we're talking)

        We’ve just started and the lyrics are already this heartbreaking… Anyway! These first few lyrics i picture that D and Fel are in a hard part of their relationship, which is growing apart. But it’s not that simple! Fel is totally in love with D and is very in love. Meanwhile, D has so many other things to do so he basically forgets about Fel and just does life like she is not that important. But whenever D feels like he’s tired, sad, or lonely. The one he calls is of course, Fel. It’s been a like this for a long time until Fel reaches her breaking point and now doesn’t even care about whatever D wants. She just wants to talk to D, because of how much she loves him.

I mean, you gotta admit the history's kind of unmatched
Asian Calvinism, we made it out of that
Well, whether we're free of will or predestined
Clearly, I've not learned my lesson even now
Hope He doesn't strike me down (strike me down)

        These few lyrics are also very striking. In this, Fel knows that this is enough. But yet, she still waits for him. She hasn’t learned her lesson. She knows that D will be gone again after that call, but she still holds on to him. Why? simple answer, love. The narrator mentions that they have an unmatched history, I interpret this as that they’ve already passed so many hardships together. “Calvinism” (i actually never knew what that meant before this) Is a belief that everything in life was already destined by God, in definition it is called “predestined”. But what Fel here means is that whatever the problem her and D are having, it’s not something predestined or something that’s caused by anyone else. It’s just Fel who hasn’t learned her lesson.

The Goo Goo Dolls are dead to me
The way you should be too
But you bring them up
Along with how much I f-cking miss you

        This part, Fel explains how D is also as pathetic as Fel. Cause whenever he’s sad he just calls her and chit chat about the most random things like the goo goo dolls, and what so ever. I actually don’t know about this part. But i interpret it as whenever it’s time for Fel to share her feelings “Along with how much i f-cking miss you” — D always brings up other topics (the goo goo dolls, etc.). And i interpret that D is ignoring Fel's feelings, by changing the topic, etc.

1st Chorus.

Maybe I'm just not better than this, I haven't tried
Maybe life's less romantic when I don't wanna die
You'd think I'd be a fast learner
But guess I won't ever mind crisping up on your backburner

        Fel truly loves D. She knows that she's pathetic. She knows that D doesn't really care about her like she does. And what if i tell you that all along Fel and D weren't even in an actual relationship? And it's all because of D who's still confused on his feelings for Fel (I'll talk about this later). D thinks that Fel would give up and would easily move on. But i guess she won't ever mind. Crisping up on his backburner.

2nd Verse & 2nd Pre-chorus

it's pathetic, but at least you are, too
I don't know what to do
I don't like anyone except sometimes you

        She knows that she is pathetic, but she knows that D is also as pathetic as she is. Coming to Fel whenever there's something wrong, etc. She doesn't actually know what to do if she let's D go. Cause, she doesn't like anyone else other than him.

And now you're sounding like a hurt puppy
You look ugly when you cry
But I'm the one you think to call
How do you feel lucky and appalled at the same time?

        Fel know how pathetic D is. Cause whenever he needs to cry, the first person he thinks to call is no other than Fel. But being used like this, Fel doesn't know what to feel. Cause isn't she supposed to feel lucky being the first person that D thinks to call? Or should she be appalled because he only thinks of Fel at his worst?

After everything you put me through
I somehow still believe in you, oh-oh

But I know in a week or so
You'll fade away again
And I wish that I cared
Hey, are you still there?
Good

        And sadly, Fel still believes that D will realize his feelings and commit to Fel. She still believes all that even after every thing he has put her through. Cause of one reason, love.

        And even tough he is crying and calling Fel now. She knows that not longer they will become distant again. She doesn't care anymore since she's already used to it. I interpret this part specifically like Fel is saying something and then she double checks to see if D is still paying attention to her. "Hey, are you still there? Good." 

Final Chorus 

Maybe I'm just not better than this, I haven't tried
'Cause maybe you'll finally choose me after you've had more time
I thought I was a fast learner
But guess I won't ever mind, guess I won't ever mind

Maybe I blame my mother bleeding into my stride
Maybe it was my father and his wandering eyes
(It's their fault that)
I'll always be in your corner
'Cause I don't feel alive 'til I'm burnin' on your backburner, oh-oh

        Fel is still convincing herself that D will choose her maybe someday. Maybe when he has more time? But she still thinks twice about it cause she knows that is just "maybe". Then, she starts blaming her family members. Was she like this because of her mother who's over protective? Or maybe she's like this because of her father who liked to cheat on her mother? But either way. Being a backburner is already half of her, if she lets go she might not feel alive. 

And I know that it's sad that I settle for the backburner, oh-oh (your backburner)
(Your backburner, your backburner)
Guess I won't ever mind crisping up on your backburner, oh-oh (your backburner)
(Backburner, your backburner)
As long as you still think of me, oh, oh-oh (backburner, backburner)

        In the end, she doesn't care anymore. She's fine being a backburner to D. As long as D still thinks of her. As long as he doesn't forget.

Fel and D's Relationship.

        I said that Fel and D haven't actually committed. Well, that's my interpretation but anyway. In the lyrics Fel thinks that D will finally choose her after he has more time. Has D not committed because he has no time? or is he just basically not ready? could be any of those. You could say whatever they're having right now is a situationship. Something that isn't really a relationship but feels like one.

"Backburnergitis, Backburner Era"

        These made up words actually just simply mean being, well.. a backburner! Backburnerngitis? A symptom of being a backburner to someone. Backburner era? Just simply being stuck in a phase where you are a backburner! But it's just sad that so many people had to experience being this so-called backburner. Including me.

Conclusions

        Yeah! I've been on the backburner before. And to simplify it's not so fun! The fear that he would find someone better scared me. But then again, i'm perfectly fine now. It just shows that it's all just a phase. And for all of you backburner girlies out there, drop that person! It doesn't need to be him.

XOXO, Falisha.